>From my perspective, I start out most interactions with a reserve of patience and joy that slowly gets drained away by interruptions, distractions, endless waiting time, and often just flat out being ignored. By the end of the interaction, I am mad/frustrated/sad/feeling abandoned and lash out with tears or frustrated words.
Gosh, I (39F) feel you. I can feel frustrated, even angry, by my partner's (51M, DX, medicated) interruptions when I'm trying to get something done, and the lack of balance when he dominates conversations can be isolating and feel unfair. I understand that his behaviour is influenced by ADHD, and he's open about it, but he thinks that I should immediately bring up issues, whereas I often need to think things through before discussing them. I, too, often feel drained and emotional after interactions, which does carry over to the bedroom.
>But I can't just wait endlessly through his distractions
This one's huge for me too. I've found that I need to spend hours alone every day, without being distracted by his distractedness, just to take care of my own needs. This is really challenging long-term because I'd prefer to be able to share the day with him, but I'm not comfortable letting the whole day go by with nothing to show for it.
For what it's worth, working on setting personal boundaries has helped me, but it's taken me years of practice and it's still hard. I've been enjoying this Coursera offering and am working on identifying my needs.
Sending you virtual hugs & hope things get better for you!