A brief comment on the physical changes your brain has to make to escape.
I've seen a lot of people posting lately who have just escaped and are feeling lonely, or fearing what will happen to them after they escape, or driving by a congregation and feeling all sorts of things.
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One thing I don't think we discus around here enough is our current knowledge of neuroscience and how the mind/brain works to cement memories and knowledge. You have neurons in your brain. They are pathways, that get strengthened each time you use them (think of how you learn something, like guitar or riding a bike). It starts off shaky but eventually the growth can be quite surprising, right?
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A lot of things work like this, and we don't notice it happening. One of them is culture and religion. Part of the reason the JWs continue on about things with intense repetition is that they know this - the more you re-run these neurons, the deeper set they get. They become default, which is what you're now trying to get out of. It takes effort and will to get yourself on a new path. It's worth doing, even if you don't feel like it.
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When you are thinking of leaving this faith, this truth (not the), think of it like exercising, riding a bike, or learning guitar, or something else that is a learning process. It's not all going to come right away. You probably aren't going to quit, then the next day feel some huge wave of relief (or you will, but you might slip back to other feelings). This isn't the case for everyone - some people leave and they've never felt better forever.. but you shouldn't kick yourself if this isn't the case. Not everyone is the same and has the same path, and there is nothing wrong with one way or the other.
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Ideally (in my opinion) you can start to see others who are still part of it as humans (biological organisms) with brains, that have been exposed to certain stimuli over time, again and again, and are therefore convinced of certain things. It's not magic, and it's no one's fault (well, except for tony maybe!), and it becomes easier to see them as human (instead of monsters, evil, jerks, whatever). It's a process of forgiveness that comes with perspective. Once that happens, you start to see yourself as that same organism.. and now you're on a roll. You can forgive yourself. You can create mental room for yourself. You can choose to expose yourself to newness, to grow and to struggle, to find meaning.
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My opinion: You need to start creating new experiences, new friendships, new communities outside of the JWs. Try new hobbies and especially habits. Get a cheap used instrument of kijiji and watch youtube lessons. Meet and talk with people you normally wouldn't (try meetup.com). Try music or movies you think you'll probably hate. Try spotify or your favorite music player, look for music you like, and hit "radio" or "suggest" and you'll find lots of new things. Get into the habit of the "independent thinking" that we were all counseled not to do. Watch The Office (it's hilarious and on netflix). Read Bertrand Russel's in praise of idleness (https://www.thoughtco.com/in-praise-of-idleness-by-russell-1690283). Read about falsifiability (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falsifiability) and think about how much of your life has been falsifiable up to this point..
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But first, turn off the computer and go for a walk for an hour, just listening to things around you. Get a treat you've never had before (not an old favorite this time!), and sit in the sun eating it (I recommend pastice de nata - portugese custard tart). Savor it, this is your life now. This isn't just screwing around; it's hard work and you're actually making physical changes in your brain. Once you forge new pathways, they will have strength that surpasses these memories.
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For me, 20 years later, I look back and I legitimately can't even remember much of the doctrine. I remember little bits here and there, specific stupidity, that sort of thing, but I mostly remember how it made me feel (not good.). It's that far from my mind. I know it's hard to believe, but it does happen. And that my friends, is pretty great. I do notice though, that when I meet up with old friends who also used to be JWs, we get back into that rut of conversation and feelings - it's worth thinking about that. We are actively trying to build new non-jw things between us. Because the friendship matters more than shared trauma.
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What's also weird is that some of those random hobbies and interests I picked up back then - now people know me as 'that guy', and I even get paid for some of them. Hardly anyone knows I used to be a JW. It doesn't define me anymore, not by a longshot. You can get there too. My parents are still JWs, and I still have a relationship with them. If you had told me 20 years ago this was possible, I'd of condemned you to Sheol in my head. Things come and go - don't think in absolutes like the JWs spend all their effort trying to get you to.
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So while I think this community can be helpful for people to process things, I also really think it's important that its' not the only thing you rely on.
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If you are interested in learning more about this, I recommend looking into neuroplasticity - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroplasticity and associated neuroplasticity exercises (like here http://neuroscienceforcoaches.com/n4c-blog/5-neuroplasticity-exercises/ or here https://blog.udemy.com/neuroplasticity-exercises/).
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For those of you who are feeling really amped about this, I suggest checking out the free coursera course the science of wellbeing, from Yale University. See here: https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being?recoOrder=9&utm_medium=email&utm_source=recommendations&utm_campaign=eThdUFSYEem5a3PcVrpGrg
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It's supposed to be the most popular course ever taught at Yale - I'm planning on taking it in a couple of weeks myself, once I finish this masters degree (again, who would have guessed!). I've also heard it's free if you don't care about the certificate.. and I don't!
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Just remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life.
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All the best to all of you here,
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Asterios.
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